WAHAT #9: Who’s Your Community?

A dynamic, colorful depiction of the value of community to health and well-being, created by Google Gemini 2.5 Flash.

If something critical and unexpected were to suddenly happen to you or someone close and important to you, who would you need to call immediately after the appropriate first responders? Do you have their current and correct contact information? Is that information quickly and easily accessible?

Growing up in New York City and living in San Francisco, I always had family, good, (mostly) reliable friends, or both nearby. We saw each other often, since we went to the same restaurants, clubs, and parties. And for a lot of that time, my core family had the same doctor, lawyer, clergy, and caregivers for years.

Life is different now.

We have good friends and family scattered around the world, but we have no real relationships with our physically closest neighbors. Most of our contact with our care providers is electronic. Working from home has greatly reduced the pool of actual or potential work friends. Our closest family is my beloved wife’s equally beloved mother, but she’s 20 minutes away by car and in her mid-80s. Statistically, she’s more likely to call us for help than we are likely to want help from her. And the local friends we trust most are just as far away or farther.

Hmm…

Why Community Matters

Your circumstances likely differ, but we share some common needs.  We need community – what my friends and I used to call our intended family. And we need to make sure at least one member of that community knows who needs to be contacted, how to contact them, and how to do what needs doing with everyone we do business with, online and otherwise. Oh, and when any of that critical information changes, you need to make sure those folks get their information updated.

This is about more than making sure the details are going to be handled if and when something serious or final happens to you or your loved one(s). We all need people who care about us near us, physically and virtually. Not just to handle your business, but to help keep us sane and healthier. Especially as we age and start to lose long-time contacts, friends, acquaintances, and relatives to relocation, relationship shifts, and, of course, death.

Social connections keep our brains and bodies healthier longer, and can even help extend our lives. Isolation can be as detrimental as cigarette smoking. Credible studies that support those statements abound. You may even see firsthand evidence in or near your own life. Or you could just take my word for it, and if you don’t have a community, get out there and build or join one. And make sure at least one trusted member of that community has the information they’ll need to take care of your affairs if and when you can’t.

Dortch’s Recommendations for Joining a Community

• Start where you are. Get closer to those you already know, like, and love. Get them to introduce you to their friends. Consider reaching out to revive faded relationships.  

• Explore your neighborhood. Check out local news sources and neighborhood-focused online resources to find group activities you might enjoy. Become a regular at a local farmers’ market and a loyal patron of local social venues. Splurge and go see that celebrity lecture or concert – and take yourself out for food and drink before, after, or both.

• Consider volunteering. Love animals? Volunteer at an animal shelter or hospital. Love books and authors? Volunteer at a library. Love helping people? Volunteer at a homeless shelter or food bank. You get the idea.

• Write it down and keep it handy. Take a deep breath, then imagine you’ve died, disappeared, or become disabled. What information does your most trusted person need to notify those who need notifying and manage your critical accounts and business relationships? Capture that information clearly, share it with the person or people you trust, and make sure to update it whenever it changes. (This can be part of your effort to create or maintain your living trust. That is something you definitely should have, and you likely already have at least one friend who has one and can help you get started.)

…And Now, A Password Management Tip!

Some of the most critical information your trusted person(s) need(s) are the user IDs and passwords that access your financial accounts, utility providers, and other companies. Consider creating a contact on your smartphone or digital device of choice for every password-protected site you visit frequently. Save the password (or a mnemonic representation thereof) in the notes field of that contact. Update the contact information whenever you change that password, and encrypt, password-protect, or otherwise secure your contacts. And make sure your significant other(s) can access your contacts if needed. You're welcome. 😎

Now What? Your Serve...

I am naively optimistic enough to believe there is value in trying to look at what I do, how I do it, and why I do it. Writing about things like those in this piece is part of that process. So to echo my  ABCs of human motivation, the achievement of writing and sharing these posts delivers the benefit of helping me crystallize some thoughts and feelings, and tighten up some of the internal connections linking my body, mind, and spirit.

This collection of thoughts and feelings also offers the promise of connection with others. That's where you come in. 

Your reactions eagerly sought and warmly welcomed. Feel free to leave your thoughts wherever you’re reading this if comments are supported, or to email me directly at medortch@dortchonit.com. I hope this begins some interesting conversational threads, excerpts and summaries of which I will gladly and gratefully share (anonymously or with attribution as you prefer) in future outings, several of which are already in various stages of construction.

Thanks for reading. Thanks again in advance if you share your reactions with me, share this post with others, or both. And please stay connected so we can continue and extend this emerging, evolving conversation.

We All Hunger and Thirst (WAHAT) is a series of pieces I’m writing and publishing to share things I’ve learned and foster connections and conversations about various elements of life and the world. Send your suggestions and reactions to me directly at medortch@dortchonit.com, and feel free to share what you’ve read with others. Thanks!